It is not a big secret that Kyle and I have had premarital sex, but we were always safe, and always used protection. I started taking birth control pills when I was seventeen, I remained on the pill for almost two years.
March 6, 2010: My period never game, which was very uncommon for me, that had never happened to me before, I was never really irregular, even before I started taking "the pill." (My periods were always really short, they lasted 2-3 days and I still till this day do not know what a period cramp feels like; all my friends were jealous.) I didn't really think that I was pregnant, but I did not really know what to think, so I stopped taking my birth control and waited to see what was going to happen...
April... No period
May... No period
June... STILL NO PERIOD??
WHAT IS GOING ON.!?
My mom started to get suspicious, because she realized I had no longer been going to pick up my prescription, so I finally told her what was going on and that clearly I was NOT pregnant.
In comes...
Doctor Number One: We visited the Deer Park Family Clinic, just to see if they knew why I was not having periods. I peed in a cup, they tested it, and sure enough, I was not pregnant. They suggested I do some blood work and they would see if they could find anything unusual in that.
A week later, they called, and said that my blood work looked just fine, they suggested I should go have an ultra sound done, so a doctor could get a look-see in my insides.!!
In comes...
Doctor Number Two: We visited Patients, They told me that I was going to be doing an outside ultra sound (On my belly), which I needed a full bladder to do, so I had to drink 22 oz of water. The Ultra Sound Tech, did a look around, and then told me to go empty my bladder she was going to be doing a vaginal ultra sound, I hopped up and went pee, and when I came back she stuck her wand in to have a look, and told me that I needed to pee again.. after peeing about three more times, she said she could see good enough to take some pictures. It was like she was having a scavenger hunt inside of me, because she was moving all around, making "Hmmmm" "Ooohh" and "Ahhh" noises, and she would not answer any of my questions, which was really frustrating, and she was starting to hurt me from all her moving around in there. She told me that she was having trouble finding my left ovary, which I assumed was why she was moving around so much. She finally told me she was done after like 15 minutes. She told me I could get dressed and they would call me soon. I went back into the restroom, and freaked out, there was blood everywhere, she was literally digging inside of me until I bled. I had to get cleaned up, and then get the hell out of that place.
A week later they called back, and told my mom that I had some kind of a cyst, and I should go to an OBGYN to get it looked at. Well my OBGYN had up and moved to California. So now I was on a hunt to find a new OBGYN.
In comes..
Doctor Number Three: We found Dr. Gillman in Pasadena, we met with her, she seemed really nice, so I decided that she would be my new OBGYN, she took a look at both the Doctors notes and blood work, and decided she wanted to do her own testing, so she told me she was going to have her Ultra Sound Tech do an ultra sound on me, and that she was going to do the blood work again, and test for a few things, that the clinic may not have tested for. So her Ultra Sound Tech took a look-see, and she moved around a lot too, but thankfully she was not hurting me.! Then, we went next door, and I did some more blood work, and they told me they would be calling soon.
When Dr. Gillman called, I had missed her call, and when I called back the receptionist put me on hold to go get the Dr. Gillman, which I thought was a little strange, I had never called a Doctor's office, and spoke directly to the Doctor before, but sure enough Dr. Gillman got on the other line, but she did not want to talk to me over the phone, she wanted me and my mom to come in so she could talk to us in person?! When we went in she took us back, and opened her folder on me and said that when she did the blood work, she tested my FSH level, which the Clinic had not tested. She said that my FSH level was extremely extremely high, and that she was not 100% positive but she thought I had what was called Premature Ovarian Failure. I was kind of frozen, because I did not really know what was going on so my mom was doing all the talking and asking all the questions, Dr. Gillman knew a lot, but not enough to really help us out, so she suggested we see a fertility specialist, and then she recommended some. My mom broke down as soon as we got in the parking lot, but I was still frozen.. What happened in there? Why is my mom crying? I'm so confused?
Brainstorming:
As much as I hate Taylor Swift the Words: "I'm Not a Princess This Ain't a Fairytale" Come to mind. When you are a young girl growing up, playing house with your friends, you are always married and have children, and you get so wrapped up in those characters you start to believe it. And that's how life is. You play with all your friends, you go to their houses meet their families, brothers, sisters, moms, and dads. THAT IS LIFE.! You are supposed to grow up, get married, get a job, and have children.. No one ever makes you think for one second that it is not going to be that way.!
Until That very moment, riding home from Dr. Gillman's office with my mom, I had never thought "What if I can never have kids?"
In comes...
Doctor Number Four: CORM - Center of Reproductive Medicine - Dr. Schnell. Before we met with Dr. Schnell at CORM they warned us on the phone that no children, especially babies were even allowed in this office. It was the real deal. When I got to this Dr. Office, you could just feel the sadness in the room, you really could. When I met with Dr. Schnell she told us she was also going to do her own blood work, and another Ultra Sound, just to verify. Her nurses took more of my blood, and then I went back into a room to get an ultra sound, I was expecting an Ultra Sound Tech to walk into the room, but Dr. Schnell actually walked in to do my ultra sound. With out even seeing the blood work results, she was already agreeing with Dr. Gillman's diagnosis, she was saying how small my ovaries really were, and how thin my uterine wall was, that she would be surprised if my blood work did not agree.! She was a smart lady, but she was a little HARSH.! Not really personable, and kinda made me feel like all she cared about was the diagnosis, and not the patient. She talked really fast, and when we questioned how I could have kids in the future, she practically pushed that option to the side. It was really depressing talking to her. Although very intelligent, not nurturing at all. She told me that my bones are at risk, so I need to take calcium pills, and make sure to exercise. She suggested a bone density test to make sure my bones are on the right track, because if not I could end up with Osteoporosis. She also put me on Estrogel, which was to add estrogen, and I simply just rubbed it on my arm at night.
We left still so unsure, because she was so un-personable, we decided to try and find one more doctor.
In comes..
Doctor Number Five: Dr. Schenk. The first time we met with her it was really just that, a meeting, we sat with her talked to her about our journey and everything that we have done, and she agrees with my diagnosis just by looking at the paper work. She also recommended the bone density scan. But she talked to me, she got to know me, she asked me about Kyle, and about our sex life, and I was able to tell her things that I could not tell Dr. Schnell. I told Dr. Schenk how sometimes when me and Kyle are having sex, it hurts... and she said for POF (Premature Ovarian Failure) Patients that that is common, because of Vaginal Dryness.. she gave me some free samples of a cream called Estrace, that comes with a syringe and I literally had to inject it in my vagina for 2 weeks every night at bedtime, and then twice a week for every following week. But it was really nasty, I never even finished the 2 weeks, it was just too gross. I also told her that me and Kyle are not trying to get pregnant, but if we did, we would be over joyed... so she put me on two pills that she said I can take, and it will not effect a pregnancy.. Now I am taking Estrodial which i take every month the 1st - 25th I also take MedRoxyProgesterone which I take every month on the 16th - 25th. It helps with my vaginal dryness, so no more nasty creme, and On November 27th 2011 I got my first period.!! (after 20 months with no periods, I finally had my first period) I have had one each month since too.! March 21st, this Wednesday that just passed, I had my last Dr. Appointment Dr. Schenk did an ultra sound and found that my Uterus is a little small it is 6cm, but it is thickening, which she said are very good signs for my ability to carry a baby.!!
NOW.. What MOST people are confused about, and I know It is confusing but there is nothing I can do about it.. It is what it is.. the Big Question.. What is Premature Ovarian Failure?
Premature Ovarian Failure:
It is similar to Menopause. Very Very Similar.. but yet not the same!
It is similar to Menopause. Very Very Similar.. but yet not the same!
Symptoms:
Hot flashes
Night Sweats
Irritability
Poor Concentration
Decrease Interest In Sex
Pain During Sex
Vaginal Dryness
Infertility
Premature Ovarian Failure puts woman at risk for many things such as:
- Osteoporosis– loss of bone strength and bone density. Getting enough calcium, vitamin D, and weight-bearing physical-activity can help reduce this risk.
- Low thyroid function – affects metabolism and can cause very low energy. Replacing the thyroid hormone can treat the problem.
- Addison’s disease – an autoimmune disorder in which the body has trouble handling physical stress, such an injury or illness, because of problems with the adrenal glands. About 3.2 percent of women with premature ovarian failure also have Addison’s disease. Addison’s can be dangerous for women who don’t know they have it. This condition can’t be prevented, but can be managed with help from your health care provider.
- Heart disease – estrogen replacement therapy, along with keeping a healthy body weight and getting regular, moderate, physical activity, can help reduce this risk.
The way my Doctors ALL explained it to me.. is that basically because I did once have periods, and they were once normal my ovaries, just spit out all my eggs quickly, like a woman in menopause who throughout the years her ovaries spit out eggs, and by the time she was 40 her eggs were all gone.. same thing, just I am not 40.
Now: I hope and Pray that one day me and Kyle will have our own little Gannon, but, right now it looks like our only option will be to use Egg Donation. Where Kyle will be the biological father and I will just simply carry the baby. It is a long process, and since we are not ready for a baby Gannon yet, we have not talked it out too thoroughly just yet.
However there is about 5% of women with POF who have actually ovulated spit out an egg that their ovary was hiding deep inside, and had their own baby, so our fingers are crossed and we are praying for the best that when the time comes and we are ready, we will have our own baby.!
